I Don’t Get No Respect

…….quoting Rodney Dangerfield. I was travelling recently in Baltimore for a meeting. I do what I usually do when I travel – get on the computer and search the web to see what local dentists are doing in that particular area. I know, it’s weird but that’s what the “dental consulting wanna-be / marketing junkie” does.
In my search I came across an office that was reviewed by a new patient who complained she felt that the dentist showed her no respect by assuming that she wanted to be called by her first name. That got me thinking. I do have a place on my new patient forms that says, “Preferred to be called”. I always look at this so I know what to call the person. However, I have never had a patient put “Mrs. Smith” in that line.
It seems that when I was growing up every adult was Mr. or Mrs. or Dr. Today, kids are calling adults by their first names. Many of my kids’ friends call me by my first name without ever having been asked if that is okay.
Recently, I was reading an article about how teachers are seeing an alarming trend these past few years. The students are expecting everyone else to earn their respect. Teenagers make their teachers earn their respect. Until the teacher earns the respect, the student has none for them simply because of the teacher’s position.
The same goes for their parents and even other teenagers. They do not respect people for being older. They do not respect people for things they have accomplished. They do not respect their parents for providing for them and for bringing them into the world in the first place.
I know what you are going to say – this comes from the role models at home. Yesterday, I had an adult (who is a friend) say to their child, “Say hello to Mr. St. Clair”. While it is better than saying, “Say hello to Pete” the salutation is still not completely correct. This, by the way, is very common. Even though I am only a dentist and not a “real” doctor, it still should be Dr. St. Clair.
If a child has grown up around a parent, or other adult role model, who often talks and acts disrespectfully, the child will pick up on that. For example, if a parent is always complaining about their job, and in particular, complaining about their boss or other people they work with… think about what kind of message this sends to kids.
First, the child can begin to lose respect for their parent. They may think “wow, (Mom or Dad) must be a real pushover if they have so many problems at work.” They may also support their parent fully and think “I’ll never let some idiot ruin my life like that. I won’t even give them the chance to!”
I’m not laying the blame solely on parents. Believe me; I understand this cannot be the entire reason behind a teenager’s lack of respect. However, it is part of it.
Back to this patient; while we have no idea what this person is like and do not have the entire context in which the event happened, I think that it is an important thing to think about. No one will ever say that showing “all due respect” to people will degrade society.

Dr. St. Clair maintains a private dental practice in Rowley and Newburyport dedicated to health-centered family dentistry. If there are certain topics you would like to see written about or questions you have please email them to him at jpstclair@dentalhealthforlife.com. You can view all previously written columns at www.dentalhealthforlife.com.